Selfishness
I had a friend one time tell me that two of her biggest struggles were pride and selfishness. Now, as most of you know, I am convinced that all of us have pride as one of our main struggles. As CS Lewis once said “If you feel that you are not proud, this likely means that you are very proud indeed.” So that’s not a surprise. But the second one surprised me, as I look at this woman as one of the more selfless people I know. I theorized at the time that the more selfless one becomes, the more they realize their selfishness. I feel like I got a glimpse of my own selfishness this past weekend.
The wife of one of my co workers passed away this weekend, following a long battle with a cancerous brain tumour. So unfortunately, I had my first experience of a Malawian funeral. The day after she passed, there was a wake of sorts. No fancy air conditioned building adorned with flowers and a bunch of dressed up, somber people. Rather, it was a gathering around a house that belongs to the family of the deceased, where we gathered in silent reverence, to mourn her loss and support her family. Just sit and feel helpless, and just be present. Do you know how hard it is to just sit in quiet remembrance of someone? To put your own thoughts and worries out of your mind to just be there to support someone else? I never knew Martin’s wife. She has been in a virtual coma my entire time here. It amazes me looking back that he has been able to come to work and do his job in the midst of this. Caring for her, hoping against hope that there will be a miraculous recovery. Caring for their 5 children. The following day was the funeral. There was some debate about the location of the funeral and where the body will be buried, as Martin and Esther came from different tribes, and the wife’s family still retains final say about where the body will be placed. In fact, I discovered that technically, the wife’s family could claim the children away from the husband if they so chose. Fortunately, it seemed as if all was worked out harmoniously. The funeral proceedings took the better part of the entire day. I sat listening to impassioned speeches in a language I barely understand, thinking about how badly my skin is burning and how hot it is and how I forgot sunscreen and how selfish I am for thinking all these things. Thinking about how sore I am since it is respectful Malawian tradition to sit through funeral proceedings. I was amazed at the sheer number of people at the funeral. There were well over 200. I wondered about Esther, how she had impacted each of the people here, what her life was like before the cancer. I did all I could to be respectful and make sure I wasn’t breaking a tradition or offending the culture by something I did or said, or something I didn’t say or do.
I think our selfishness is well summed up in a scene from the movie Bruce Almighty. He is sitting in a traffic jam caused by an accident, and he is late for work. He exclaims something to the effect of “I just can’t catch a break!” as the accident victim is wheeled past on a stretcher. So, who got inconvenienced more there? But it seems to me that we often think about things in this world according to how they relate to us. Or is it just me?
The wife of one of my co workers passed away this weekend, following a long battle with a cancerous brain tumour. So unfortunately, I had my first experience of a Malawian funeral. The day after she passed, there was a wake of sorts. No fancy air conditioned building adorned with flowers and a bunch of dressed up, somber people. Rather, it was a gathering around a house that belongs to the family of the deceased, where we gathered in silent reverence, to mourn her loss and support her family. Just sit and feel helpless, and just be present. Do you know how hard it is to just sit in quiet remembrance of someone? To put your own thoughts and worries out of your mind to just be there to support someone else? I never knew Martin’s wife. She has been in a virtual coma my entire time here. It amazes me looking back that he has been able to come to work and do his job in the midst of this. Caring for her, hoping against hope that there will be a miraculous recovery. Caring for their 5 children. The following day was the funeral. There was some debate about the location of the funeral and where the body will be buried, as Martin and Esther came from different tribes, and the wife’s family still retains final say about where the body will be placed. In fact, I discovered that technically, the wife’s family could claim the children away from the husband if they so chose. Fortunately, it seemed as if all was worked out harmoniously. The funeral proceedings took the better part of the entire day. I sat listening to impassioned speeches in a language I barely understand, thinking about how badly my skin is burning and how hot it is and how I forgot sunscreen and how selfish I am for thinking all these things. Thinking about how sore I am since it is respectful Malawian tradition to sit through funeral proceedings. I was amazed at the sheer number of people at the funeral. There were well over 200. I wondered about Esther, how she had impacted each of the people here, what her life was like before the cancer. I did all I could to be respectful and make sure I wasn’t breaking a tradition or offending the culture by something I did or said, or something I didn’t say or do.
I think our selfishness is well summed up in a scene from the movie Bruce Almighty. He is sitting in a traffic jam caused by an accident, and he is late for work. He exclaims something to the effect of “I just can’t catch a break!” as the accident victim is wheeled past on a stretcher. So, who got inconvenienced more there? But it seems to me that we often think about things in this world according to how they relate to us. Or is it just me?
posted by Chuck @ 5:53 AM
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